Lately, I have been wondering about the new identity I will soon assume. How will I feel when a person I do not know addresses me as Oliver’s mom instead of asking my name? What will I think when I've wiped a runny nose for the 100th time and there is screaming and crying and I’ve just stepped on every single Lego we own? When I’m cleaning up after the tenth blowout diaper in an hour, when a child is vomiting, when I am physically incapable of consoling my sleepy baby, when the thought of spending one more minute in THIS HOUSE makes me want to cry…what then? Who will I be at that moment?
I know the answer is that I will be Mom, with all of the highs and lows that being Mom brings. I will kiss scraped knees and spread frosting on birthday cupcakes. I will give out countless hugs and sing silly songs to hear a single giggle. I will enforce discipline, carry my baby in a sling and read a million bedtime stories. I will finger paint, help with homework and watch my husband throw our baby in the air. I will guide this child through rises and falls, through good choices and bad, through monsters in the closet or under the bed and friends who aren't the best influences. I will love beyond my understanding and worry beyond my current capacity and, and, and, AND! But still, of course, I wonder…
WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE TO BE A MOTHER?
You will be YOU, always and forever, no matter the moment, the day or the year. YOU will be a Mom striving for perfection but NEVER achieving it because she doesn't exist! You will always be Oliver's mom and he will always be your little boy even when he stands taller than you and has children of his own. You will do your best at the time. That's ALL you can do!
ReplyDeleteso beautifully spoken, Amanda....you are going to be a wonderful Mom, but you WILL always be you!
ReplyDeleteI love your blog!
ReplyDeleteHave a nice time!
Paula